Insane Naruto Stories
by AmikaUchiha
Summary: "We were both young, when you first killed them,  I close my eyes and the nightmare starts, I'm standing there,  You were killing them without a care...


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything else mentioned you may recognize, this is a collection of senseless crap warped to the Naruto style

Naruto's new Jutsu

Naruto sneakily snuck out of the village. The moon hung large in the sky, he smiled, time to practice his newest and greatest jutsu...  
Team Hebi had just drifted off to sleep after Sasuke had finally knocked Karin out to shut her up. She had been particularly annoying on this day and he was just getting to the good part of the dream where he was stabbing Itachi.  
Naruto sighted his prey, duck butt hair easily giving away his position, he smirked his most evil of all smirks (not unlike the one that the Grinch from 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' did when plotting against the defenseless Who's.) and tiptoed toward his unsuspecting victim. 'His sharingan will be no match for this.'  
Naruto practised extreme cunning in masking his chakra, remaining silent on approach, and getting in perfect position by placing his posterior directly in front of the peacefully, if violently dreaming, Uchiha's face. He took a deep breath and released his most deadly jutsu.

*pooooooooooott*

Sasuke woke up, surrounded by laughter, and a deadly brown cloud. He choked and sputtered, sure now by the stench alone that it was poison. His sharingan couldn't penetrate the thick fog to locate his attacker. His eyes were watering and nose burning. For the first time in a long time, the stoic Uchiha was afraid.

Naruto rolled laughing in the bushes, tears coming out of his eyes. "Ahahahahaha!

Itachi's Birthday Party

"We were both young, when you first killed them,  
I close my eyes and the nightmare starts, I'm standing there,  
You were killing them without a care,  
Uh oh you used your mangekyo, I looked cause I knew no better,  
you killed our parents what's up with that,  
They were everything to me and you had to make them gooooooo...

So I said Itachi I will kill you for ruining my home,  
I'll be waiting, and just when you think you are alone,  
I will kill you, you will be dead,  
It's a hate story, asshole you made your bed..."

Amid all the guffaws of the Akatsuki, Itachi twitched looking at his brother wondering who the hell's bright idea it was to get him to sing at his birthday party, he felt another massacre coming on...

Death Star

Our hero, Sasuke Uchiha-Skywalker approached Itachi Vader in his black metal outfit, light saber already drawn and ready for battle.  
The man was having a horrible time breathing from the sound of it, a very loud breathing, like through a tube.  
"Sasuke, I am your brother..."  
"What the hell!"

Snow White and the seven Dwarfs

Once upon a time, there was an evil but hot king by the name of Sasuke Uchiha. Every day, Sasuke would go to his mirror and ask a simple question, one that always had a sort of satisfactory answer, considering Eminem was in the mirror, but it was passable.  
"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the hottest of them all," Sasuke would ask.  
The mirror would always reply, "Yo you are, but if I wasn't in this mirror it would be me." King Sasuke would twitch but allow the response as the man was stuck in the only mirror in the kingdom and Wal-Mart would take forever to send a new one.  
One day, Sasuke waltzed up to his mirror and said the magic phrase, "Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the hottest of them all."  
The mirror looked cocky and replied, "One Itachi in Akatsuki lair, he won simply because you have duck butt hair."  
*Twitch*  
He broke the mirror and grabbed the phone, "Henchman Naruto, bring me Itachi from the Akatsuki...yes I know that rhymed Dobe, stop laughing and do your damn job!" He slammed down the receiver and went to his computer, pulling up to order a new mirror.  
'Ooh, this mirror is on deep discount with next day delivery with one Ino Yamanaka in it, a girl, flattery guarantee as well, sold."  
Henchman Naruto fought his way into the Akatsuki lair as in this world the Akatsuki was only Itachi, and pulled the raven haired hot guy out and toward the forest. Naruto was a henchman, but a rotten one, he'd never actually killed anyone before and decided to let Itachi go, as Itachi was also Uchiha and simply used his mangekyo because he felt like it and the boy was an idiot.  
Itachi kept walking after leaving the idiot behind until he came to a little cottage in the woods. It was undersized and Itachi was intrigued. He barged in like he owned the place and decided to take a nap, pushing 7 beds together and laying across them.  
The seven dwarfs came home in a couple of hours after their busy day of robbing banks and terrorizing the general public. The 7 dwarfs were Dopey=Tobi, Grumpy=Hidan, Bossy=Pein, Bitch=Konan, Creepy=Sasori, Happy=Deidra, and Greedy=Kakuzu. They were surprised to find a large man inhabiting their lair, but since they were criminals and breaking and entering was a crime, they decided to let the sleeping beauty, oops wrong fairy tale, stay.  
Itachi woke up to their bickering and was going to mangekyo them because they annoyed him when they told him of their propensity toward robbing banks and general mayhem. This matched his lifestyle but unfortunately, the banks they robbed were too small for someone of his stature so he was forced to stay in the cottage as it had been built oversized because of the dwarfs filthy lucre(ill gotten gains for those who don't know what the term means).

The next day, Sasuke placed his new mirror on the wall and sat back to say his famous phrase.  
"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the hottest of them all."  
The girl in the mirror looked at him and said,"Itachi, but damn you're fine."  
"What! Naruto!"

Sasuke decided to take matters into his own hands and went after Itachi himself, he'd been chakra banded, so he'd poisoned an apple with the only poison he could find online due to the current terrorism threat which was a poison that would put someone into a coma forever unless their true love came and kissed them to wake them. 'Good luck with that one, Itachi.' He thought evilly as he used what little chakra he could considering the banding to disguise himself as a hot chick with big boobs.  
He'd knocked on the door of the cottage and was overjoyed when Itachi answered, and then put on his falsetto female voice, "Wow you're hot, I'm selling Girl Scout apples instead of cookies to fight the current obesity problem, but for you stud, I'll part with one for free."  
"Why thank you," Itachi smiled and bit the apple, falling immediately into a coma.  
Sasuke poofed back to normal and ran off laughing in maniacal glee.

Sakura Haruno heard a weird insane laughing as she walked through the forest door to door trying to sell Avon. She hoped that the loony weirdo didn't find her, he really sounded mad, although, he might buy some makeup she thought practically and followed the laughter after all.  
She found him as he in his twisted euphoria skipped right off a cliff and fell to his death. She just stared wide-eyed, 'moron,' she thought. She shrugged and went in the direction of her best customer, Happy Diedra, he always bought alot of makeup.  
As she neared the house, she saw an absolutely beautiful man laying on the ground in front of the house. She couldn't believe he was real, he was so blindingly beautiful. She wiped the drool off and leaned down beside him, trying everything to wake him up and getting no response. She leaned down and kissed his softly parted lips.  
Nothing, oh well. She threw him over her shoulder and carried him back to her house as he would now be a human blow up doll for a horney Haruno. She smiled.

The Village Idiot

Naruto looked up at Sasuke. They'd found him, after nearly 3 years they'd found the Teme. "Hey Naruto..." Sasuke started, smirking. "Your village called, they want their idiot back."  
"I know, Teme, that's why they sent us on a retreival mission for you."  
*TWITCH* Sasuke attacked.

R&R please. might add more later, you never know :) 


End file.
